Today, while prepping some food, I managed to come up with about five stupid ways to describe lentils falling all over me and the kitchen (they've been dropping out of my hair every now and again since 11 AM). I could have written a wacky description of the event, but you don't need to think too much about dried legumes. It's sufficient to say that whenever you think "Is that bag secure enough?" the answer is probably "No."
In the writing classes I took in college,** we learned some basic rules for better writing. Things like keeping sentences at one line or less and using one word instead of two when possible. Among the most important (and at times most difficult to execute) is "murder your darlings."*** A darling is that clever phrase that you want to put in your writing, even if it's too much/too long/tangential.
You can spot your darling when you start restructuring your writing around it or--worse yet--build a whole piece around a certain phrase rather than a concept. You might also question anything that is sexual to describe a non-sexual item, uses a simile or metaphor you've impressed yourself with or anything you think is the first time anyone might have phrased in that way. But generally, you just know a phrase needs to be cut because you want it in there so badly that you're willing to compromise the rest of your selection, just to get it in there.
Fortunately for armchair editors like myself and the turgid writing minds waiting to drip their juices on us like a fecund cheerleader (see what I did there?), we have Facebook now. All those words, all that imagery, all that CLEVER can be neatly packaged in a status message. If you can't murder your darling, at least put it somewhere it does the least harm.
** No, I have never fancied myself a "writer," in that I lack storytelling capability. I could be "paid to write," but that's different from "being a writer." I was once paid to be the Easter Bunny, but it doesn't mean I'm the next Fred Rogers.
*** Through the magic of the internet, I've *just* learned the origin of the phrase, attributed to Sir Arthur Quiller Couch, a Cornishman from Bodmin. This entire Wikipedia article is delightful to me, as it brings together the darling, the southwest of England and Wind in The Willows. Feel free to guess which characters The English and I identify with.
In the writing classes I took in college,** we learned some basic rules for better writing. Things like keeping sentences at one line or less and using one word instead of two when possible. Among the most important (and at times most difficult to execute) is "murder your darlings."*** A darling is that clever phrase that you want to put in your writing, even if it's too much/too long/tangential.
You can spot your darling when you start restructuring your writing around it or--worse yet--build a whole piece around a certain phrase rather than a concept. You might also question anything that is sexual to describe a non-sexual item, uses a simile or metaphor you've impressed yourself with or anything you think is the first time anyone might have phrased in that way. But generally, you just know a phrase needs to be cut because you want it in there so badly that you're willing to compromise the rest of your selection, just to get it in there.
Fortunately for armchair editors like myself and the turgid writing minds waiting to drip their juices on us like a fecund cheerleader (see what I did there?), we have Facebook now. All those words, all that imagery, all that CLEVER can be neatly packaged in a status message. If you can't murder your darling, at least put it somewhere it does the least harm.
And now, my (non-lentil) darling of the day
"Remember, you have vole karma on your side."*** Through the magic of the internet, I've *just* learned the origin of the phrase, attributed to Sir Arthur Quiller Couch, a Cornishman from Bodmin. This entire Wikipedia article is delightful to me, as it brings together the darling, the southwest of England and Wind in The Willows. Feel free to guess which characters The English and I identify with.
