I document The English's Bread Recipe

Another bread recipe, this one with proper rising and such. Remember to read through the whole recipe first!

Ingredients
2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
2 cups water (use slightly more if making wheat bread)
3 tbsp brown sugar ( dark or light--will affect yeast and sweetness, though. Sugar makes for a crunchy crust, but if you want the bread less sweet, cut down the sugar some. I advise using the amount above for your first loaf.)
~ 5 1/2 cups SIFTED unbleached flour (or wheat, All-purpose, bread--anything but self-rising. If you use wheat, double-sift. More sifting means lighter bread, generally. If you want wheat bread, about 2 cups of wheat and 3 white. You'll need a bit more oil and water, too--maybe a tablespoon or so of each.)
some more flour for counter flouring
1 to 3 tbsp olive oil
1/4 tsp Kosher salt
olive oil/butter for greasing and adding flavor

Equipment
timer (any timer will do)
KitchenAid mixer, mixing bowl and dough hook attchment
silicone spatula (or other bendy spatula)
large bowl (bowl will hold sifted flour)
platic lid or other item that will cover the top of the metal mixing bowl (cover, doesn't have to seal)
measuring spoons
sifter
measuring cup
liquid measuring cup
olive oil mister or basting brush and small bowl to hold oil/butter (you can grease things by hand if you don't have these)
baking pan, silicone recommended
knife
cooling rack recommended
clean cloth to cover
oven mitts
cleanup supplies

Total time including waiting and cleaning: 4-5 hours
Total active time including prep and cleaning: 1 hour (or less time, when you get the routine.)


Stage 0: prep kitchen - 10 minutes
Clear and clean counter or cutting board where you will knead bread. Do not use strong cleaners, as the bread will pick up the flavor. Make sure the surface is dry. Also, make sure you have room in the sink to put used equipment when you finish. Wash and dry your hands. Get out your ingredients and equipment and measure what you can.

Stage 1: Prep yeast and flour - 12 minutes

1) In mixer bowl, mix the ingredients below.

2 1/4 tsp yeast
3 tsp brown sugar
2 cups hottish tap water (not-as-hot as coming out of the tap, but warmer than you would give a baby. So I'm told. Remember to use a tsp to tblsp more water if adding wheat flour))

2) Cover with a lid from a storage container. Set timer for 10 minutes for the yeast activation.

3) While yeast is activating, sift and measure flour.
5 to 5 1/2 cups sifted flour (sift BEFORE you measure. Wheat flour should be sifted At least twice.)

4) When timer goes off, wash and dry your hands. Check the yeast-water-sugar mixture to make sure it started foaming. If not, start over. (possibly your water was too hot or too cold) .

Stage 2: Mixing - 10 minutes

5) Put the bowl and lock on the mixer stand. Add about a third of the flour, turn the mixer on, and then slowly pour/scoop in the remaining flour.

6) Pour in 1-2tbsp of olive oil to add flavor and moisture. Use more for wheat than for white flour.

7) Set a timer for 7 minutes to time the mixing. You do not want to overmix, so if it took you a little longer to set the timer, then reduce the amount of time. You may need to scrape down the sides of the bowl with the spatula.

8) While the dough is mixing, sprinkle flour (start with a tablespoon and see) on the countertop, put away the liquid measuring cup and clean the teaspoon and measuring cup and put them away. Put away the sifter (if you have to add a little flour later, it's ok if it's not sifted).

9) When the timer goes off, wash and dry your hands, if needed. Sprinkle in the salt.
(Salt addition is recommended for as late as possible in the process to facilitate the rise.)

10) Turn off the mixer. Look at the dough and touch it. It should be firm but not dry. I prefer to work with slightly wetter dough, but it's more difficult to manage. If the dough is too wet, sprinkle in flour a tablespoon at a time and mix for a few seconds.

Stage 3 - Prep for first rise - 7 minutes

11) Wash and dry your hands. Pull the bowl off the stand. Flour your hands. The dough will be wrapped around the hook somewhat. Spatula off the dough and stick the hook in the sink (ideally in water). Sprinkle a little bit of flour around the edges of the dough.
Take the spatula and push down the sides of the bowl to push the dough to the center so that you can drop it out in one lump on the floured countertop , if possible.
Scrape the bowl in a downward direction to get the sides clean. A bit of dough-film on the bowl is OK.

12) Mist the same bowl with olive oil.

13) Knead the dough a bit by hand (1-2 minutes). If it's sticking to your fingers or the counter, flour the surface and/or the dough.

14) Form the dough into a ball (I pinch it under) and drop into the lightly greaesed bowl. Put a lid/clean towel/ whatever over it. It doesn't have to seal.

15) Put the bowl somewhere warm. The warmer the spot, the faster the rise will occur. If you're cooking something else, on top of a warm oven is perfect. REMEMBER: dough absorbs smells, so don't smoke around your rising dough.

16) Set a timer for 45-60 minutes ( 30 if you found a good warm spot). You want the dough ball to double in size.

17) Clean the dough hook (dry dough is harder to clean) and put it away. Put away all ingredients excpt the flour and the olive oil mister. Leave the floured countertop, but you can clean up any little bits of dough. If you have any remaining measuring equipment out, it can be cleaned.


Stage 4 - WAIT TIME 40-60 minutes.
FIND SOMETHING TO DO WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE TIMER.

18) When the timer goes off, check to see if the dough has doubled in size. If it hasn't, give it another 10-15 minutes.

Stage 5 - Prep for second rise - 5 minutes

19) Wash and dry your hands. Punch down the dough and repeat steps 11-16. You need the dough ball to double in size again. You may not need the extra bits of flour.

Stage 6- SECOND WAIT TIME 40-60 minutes.
FIND SOMETHING TO DO WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE TIMER.

20) When the dough has doubled in size again, wash and dry your hands. Get the dough out of the bowl in the same way as before. Put the bowl in the sink with water in it.

Stage 7 - Prep for the final rise - 5 minutes

21) Punch down, knead a few times and form into a loaf shape.

22) Grease the loaf pan if it isn't silicone.

23) Put the loaf in the loaf pan. Set the same lid over the loaf pan and put it somewhere warm again. This rise will be uour last rise for this loaf.

24) Set a timer for 30 minutes.

Stage 8 -THIRD WAIT TIME 30 minutes.
FIND SOMETHING TO DO WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE TIMER.

25) When the timer goes off, check the oven to make sure no extra pans are in it. Preheat the oven to 400.

26) set timer for 15 minutes.

Stage 9 WAIT TIME 15 minutes.
FIND SOMETHING TO DO WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE TIMER.

27) When timer goes off, check to see if dough has risen slightly above bread pan. If not, set another timer for 10-15 minutes.

Stage 10: Prep for baking

28) When loaf has proofed up to be at or slightly above pan edge, take a knife and cut parallel diagonal lines from top corner, then criss-cross them from another corner. The cuts will make the loaf look pretty and keep it from "erupting" in the middle of the loaf. Mist the top with olive oil or butter.

29) Bake uncovered at 400 for ~30 minutes. Set a timer. While bread is baking, wash and put away everything except olive oil mister/butter, cooling rack and knife.

Stage 11 BAKING WAIT TIME 30 minutes.
FIND SOMETHING TO DO WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THE TIMER.

Stage 12: Cooling

30) Pull out the loaf when it looks ready. Golden brown lid, etc indicates readiness. If you think it might stick, run a knife around the edge of the bread pan. Tip out the loaf. Optional: mist with olive oil or top with butter pats.

31) For a nice, crispy crust, put the bread on a rack to cool. For a softer loaf, put it somewhere to cool and cover with a clean cloth. Alternately, you can start stuffing your face. Keep bread in a sealed container.

Notes: Tough bread means it was probably over-kneaded.
"Clean Towels" means they haven't been used for anything else. Towels that you have been drying your washed hands on are NOT clean enough. I'll spare you the biology lecture.
I often forget to add salt. It's fine. Just salt your bread when you eat it. Mmmmm
Bread only keeps for a few days. It will mold or harden.
I sometimes slightly underbake bread so that it's nicer when toasted later or if I am taking it over to someone's for dinner and want to pop it in the oven to heat.

Didn't You Read the Subtitle?

Life was briefly interrupted by a trip to The Republic,  optic neuritis resulting in some family management (namely poking fun at family and operating as chauffeur among medical facilities) and an absence of things to post that weren't Another Damned Food Post. I'll catch up and add a few items this week, including More Damned Food Posts and possibly some cat photos.

Lentil Rain, Lentil Reign

Today, while prepping some food, I managed to come up with about five stupid ways to describe lentils falling all over me and the kitchen (they've been dropping out of my hair every now and again since 11 AM). I could have written a wacky description of the event, but you don't need to think too much about dried legumes. It's sufficient to say that whenever you think "Is that bag secure enough?" the answer is probably "No."

In the writing classes I took in college,**  we learned some basic rules for better writing. Things like keeping sentences at one line or less and  using one word instead of two when possible. Among the most important (and at times most difficult to execute) is "murder your darlings."*** A darling is that clever phrase that you want to put in your writing, even if it's too much/too long/tangential.

You can spot your darling when you start restructuring your writing around it or--worse yet--build a whole piece around a certain phrase rather than a concept. You might also question anything that is sexual to describe a non-sexual item, uses a simile or metaphor you've impressed yourself with or anything you think is the first time anyone might have phrased in that way. But generally, you just know a phrase needs to be cut because you want it in there so badly that you're willing to compromise the rest of your selection, just to get it in there.

Fortunately for armchair editors like myself and the turgid writing minds waiting to drip their juices on us like a fecund cheerleader (see what I did there?), we have Facebook now. All those words, all that imagery, all that CLEVER can be neatly packaged in a status message. If you can't murder your darling, at least put it somewhere it does the least harm.

And now, my (non-lentil) darling of the day

 "Remember, you have vole karma on your side."

** No, I have never fancied myself a "writer," in that I lack storytelling capability.  I could be "paid to write," but that's different from "being a writer."  I was once paid to be the Easter Bunny, but it doesn't mean I'm the next Fred Rogers.

*** Through the magic of the internet, I've *just* learned the origin of the phrase, attributed to Sir Arthur Quiller Couch, a Cornishman from Bodmin. This entire Wikipedia article is delightful to me, as it brings together the darling, the southwest of England and Wind in The Willows. Feel free to guess which characters The English and I identify with.

Blog of Convenience

Much like when I started this blog becuase I was moving to India and was too lazy to email people individually, I'll use the blog again to post information. Facebook, although it has it's functions, isn't very good at being an archive or a holder of information for links and recipes and such. Generally, if I have a good enough article/recipe/wacky story, I end up emailing multiple people or Facebooking it and cluttering the stream. So, You Can't Coach Fat might get updates for a while, at least until I go back to work.